Monday, May 28, 2007

Today I would like to shoot...

my mother in law.

After she practically moved in with us during Poopee's first month, we somehow managed to get the house key back from her (we didn't give her the key in the first place). Somehow with her getting in and out of the house all hours of the day didn't sit well with me.


She has an opinion on everything, and is not afraid to tell me what a bad mother I am because I don't know how to put a cardigan on my daughter, my breastfeeding routine is wrong, the fabrics of the grow-suits I bought for Poopee are of poor quality, I don't know how to change Poopee properly, I am the one RESPONSIBLE for giving Poopee a slight nappy rash because I didn't wipe her properly...etc etc etc.

I was simply too tired, and too emotional to fight her. I offered fimble explanations, she brushed my explanations off as being too `new age' - after she has looked after 3 children of her own and four grandchildren. So she is ALWAYS right.

My breaking point was one day last week, Poopee did the biggest poopee in her nappy, and without asking me, MIL picked up my child and declared it is time to bath. In the past I refused to let her bath my child because I maintained that I want to do everything myself. This time she wanted to do it just to SHOW me how it's done - properly. I was too tired to protest so I followed her into the bathroom like a little girl.

Bad moment of weakness on my part.

She started to lecture me about my technique. She said she overhead Poopee's cries during her bathtime (I should never let her into the house), and said it is probably because I am too quick to get her into the water and frightened the living lights out of her. I said not all babies enjoy bathtimes - some babies cry. She said, ALL BABIES ENJOY THEIR BATHS. No babies will cry like Poopee did.

So on her high horse, she begin her perfect bathing technique. And guess what, Poopee cried. She cried real good.

And then, she told me it is because the water I prepared was too hot. I was boiling the poor baby, she said babies need to have luke warm water.

I said - this is luke warm water. See? (Dipping my elbow into the water). This is luke warm. Even the midwives in the hospital said this is perfectly okay.

She said - no - it has to be cooler. This is hot water. Not lukewarm. You are burning your own child.

My eyes were wide open in shock - THIS IS LUKWARM WATER. My god - any cooler than this my daugther will be bathing in cold water.

Afterwards I was so angry, so FUCKING angry, because she was doubting my abilities as a mother, she always want to be right, she wants to have the last word. And how can I argue with her? She looked after 7 children compared to my 1.

When she knocks on the door these days (we took the house key back), I am going to pretend I didn't hear it. I really want to kick her off her fucking high horse and give her a dose of reality. The reality that I AM Poopee's mother, not her.

And you know what the worse thing is? When she comes over, she takes Poopee off my arms straight away, and refuses to give back until she leaves - which can be hours later. I don't want to be petty like her, and fights to carry my own child, so I let her. But it makes me feel so vulnerable that she feels it is her given right to take Poopee away from me when she wants. She really is a very frightening human being. She can't wait until I return to work, hopefully soon, so she can look after Poopee and give her the best care.

But I'm afraid, not even over my dead body.

All advice on how to deal with his person are welcome. Apeman knows his mom is the equivalent of Hitler. But he soothes me by saying his mom is only here these days for `quick' visits, so I should just let her be. She shouldn't walk into MY house and tell me what to do.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Vaccination Story

Not much to tell really, except I saw a massive needle heading towards the direction of my beloved's baby thigh, nearly all of that needle plunged into her flesh. There were cries of pain and agony. Then the other baby thigh was offered. Yet another needle, which I was told hurts even more than the first needle, was plunged into tender baby flesh again. More cries of agony, tears rolling down cheeks. I quickly sat up and cuddled Poopee close to me.

I looked down at the face of my baby-cake, she was fast asleep already - like it never happened.

The tears were all mine.

Sigh....we do it again in two months time.

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Post-Natal Checkup

So anyhoo I went for my post-natal checkup last thursday. It was exactly 8 weeks ago since I gave birth.

My single stitch had healed long ago, even as soon as I left the hospital after four days. Everything feels pretty much back to normal except I am now a little loose down there. The bleeding stopped after four/five weeks. But it came back in two separate occasions - the last time was last week. So I was a little worried about Poopee leaving something behind inside my uterus.

The Good Doctor sent me off to do a pelvic scan. The uterus looked fine - no debri left behind. There was even a developing follicle, which scared the living hell out of me when it was pointed out to me (it used to excite me to the nth degree, it used to give me so much joy to see a developing follicle). Fortunately it was on the wrong side (the little ovary that grew back, and with no traffic to the uterus).

Which brings me to the next big discussion with the Good Doctor - to use contraception or not from hereon.

Pfft....contraception. It used to be a dirty word for me. It was a joke. I WAS the walking contraception. No pills needed. Isn't this all very ironic? I was discussing contraception with my fertility doctor.

Apeman is very keen to make Poopee II. Drew is very happy and content with her life with new Poopee, and is keen to enjoy life with my precious bub as much as possible minus all of the reproduction dramas we experienced in the past years. Apeman thinks Poopee needs a sibling, we should tempt fate and try for another baby. Drew thinks if Apeman wants another baby he better learn how to self-reproduce.

To be honest, I am just plain scared to step into the baby-making minefield again. Although I have done it once, I am not sure if I can do it again. Plus I am not prepared to go down the IVF road again - which conviniently, we don't have anymore embryos left from our last cycle. Only two days ago, I had the pleasure of throwing out my remaining IVF kits containing leftover drugs and some needles. It feels really weird, a bit like breaking up a bad drug habit.

So the conclusion with regard to the contraception question was, I won't go on the pill in the short term because we can't be THAT lucky. pretty stupid I know, but we honestly cannot be that lucky. And who has time for sex these days anyway, I rather sit down and eat a good meal. :>)

Monday, May 07, 2007


Feels like a million years ago since I last blogged.

These days, getting a feed myself so I can have sufficient energy is the most important thing. Other things, which used to be important in my life, such as getting my faced washed in the morning, putting on creams, getting my hair dead straight just the way I like it, reading the newspaper, putting on proper clothes, sleeping ... everthing seems so secondary, and unimportant. When Poopee's awake, which seems to be 95% of the day (and sometimes at night), everything that belongs to me, or what I feel is important, suddenly goes out the door.

Is this normal? Am I doing this properly?? Looks like I am not doing this motherhood thing as graciously as I anticipated I would. Ha!

Poopee today weighs a healthy 3.4kg, and measures 55cm. She has gained more than 1.2kg since birth. She's developed a real cheeky attitude, she wants to be hold all the time (which I don't mind, and love it when she falls asleep in my arms), and when she's left alone in her cot, she screams bloody murder!!!!!! So that's why these days there isn't alot of time for myself. She breastfeeds well now. Sometimes she just am not that interested so I give her the bottle. I guess I am pretty lucky that Poopee is so versatile with the two options. She has also given us plenty of cheeky smiles, so beautiful that Apeman holds her and kisses her all the time, acting as if he is the only person in the world who made a baby.

The isolation is getting to me though. Since negotiating with my mother in law, she has toned down on her `visits' to just once a day. Sometimes she doesn't show up at all just to give me some time alone with the baby. Although I appreciate this new found time away from my mother in law, the time on my own is starting to get to me. I hope to start venturing out on my own and do things real soon. Like joining a mothers group or something.

And.... this is an interesting discovery, has any of you new mothers tried having a boooink with your other half yet? I tried two weeks ago. Apeman and I tried to do it for the first time since I found out I was pregnant last year (yes...that long...). The moment he went inside I said, `I feel so loose.' He said the same. If I feel loose imagine what it's like for him. It just got too depressing so we stopped. He said we will have sex again when Poopee's 18 months old to try for a second baby.

I said, you can wait longer because there ain't going to be a second baby. I feel blessed already with Poopee. A second baby will be like winning the lottery twice, and I don't want to tempt fate.

Now....for me, it's time to get back to the baby. It's time for a nappy change for the 143th time today. Poopees loves a good shit.