Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Mute is the Game

Just dropping by to say thanks to all who left lovely, lovely comments for me. It is really nice to know that I have friends from the cyber-space who are so genuinely nice. I wish I can meet all of you and give you those hugs. Not cyber hugs - real, bear hugs.

Also want to let you know that my review appointment went pretty crap. I was told by my doc the following hard facts:

1. So far I had collected 13 IVF cycles, on top of that there were 4 cancelled cycles, numerous clomid cycles, injections cycles, tracking (non-medicated) cycles - over a span of 6 years. (Pffft...)
2. The final cycle was a PGD cycle, and achieved 11 follicles.
3. Only 8 made it to fertilisation.
4. Only 6 made it to blastocyst stage.
5. Only 1 out of 6 is classified normal.
6. Despite PGD results indicated that I indeed had a`normal' embryo to implant, the actual PGD screening in fact only screens for 13 known abnormalities. There are still hundreds which cannot be screened due to lack in technology. So the chances of my `normal' embryo been REALLY NORMAL is not exactly 100%. I almost snorted in front of the doctor at the remoteness of this conversation.

This is bullshit.

7. I asked a final question - what are my real chances? (If there is a time I wish to hear something positive, even bullshit lines like if I relax I can get pregnant, is right now). Instead he asked have I considered donor eggs? Have I got a sister who wants to lend me her eggs? What about a good friend? Have you considered adoption even? I said what do you mean doctor? He said Drew your chances of ever getting pregnant is looking GRIM. Yes - he said the bad word. GRIM.

And that was 3 weeks ago. I walked out of the clinic feeling like shit, but excited at the same time. I SOOOO want to prove him wrong. Instead of considering his `options', I asked to be monitored for an IUI cycle next time. I want to do something less invasive. He said Drew you are probably better off doing another PGD cycle - that is the only way you can ever conceive. I said no thanks doctor. Not until my next birthday. Please sign me up for an IUI. He reluctantly sent me off to the nurse to discuss IUI procedures.

But things are looking up. I promise. I will post again soon. I believe that this whole baby thing is all about timing. Not some tit-bit itsy bitsy bullshit screening that costs a shit load.

Watch this spot.

And whilst you are watching - you ladies out there who share my dream hang in there. It's worth the wait.


Kris said...

I'm sorry about the g word. But I think you are doing the right thing for you. Sometimes I think we forget that we can make decisions about this and we aren't just at the mercy of the RE. I'll keep watching.

soralis said...

I am so sorry about your conversation with your doctor.

Take care and good luck!

Mel said...

Oh I am so sorry. You prove him WRONG! I was told from the time I was 18 to have a hysterectomy and I refused. I was told I would never concieve and to give up. I will NEVER ever give up, it will all be so worth it in the end. And it will be for you too!

Meri-ann said...

I'm sorry your conversation with your doc wasn't exactly what you wanted, but I'm so proud of you for sticking to your guns! Never give up babe....

ninaB said...

It's good to see you back.
I hope you do prove them wrong. I hope we all prove them wrong.
I know it'll be worth the wait....but how long do we have to wait??

Em said...

The end of your post is very tantalising...

Millie said...

How could we not watch this spot when you leave us hanging like that?

StellaNova said...

Welcome back Drew.

I totally admire your determination and I hope you are able to show him that he was WRONG! They know a lot, sure, but even they will admit they don't know everything.

The Town Criers said...

I hope you prove him wrong. Then you can train the child to go back in the office and kick him in the bum. I'm all for the truth, but what about giving people hope? Especially when medicine does not have all the answers?

You go girl!

Betty said...

Always watching honey. You show him, we are right behind you.

Thalia said...

Hoping for you, Drew.

Kath said...

I'm hoping for you too, my dear. So hoping your dream comes true.