La la la...

And so that was that.

Pretty much resumed my `normal' way of life two days later.  Getting out to do things, cleaning up the house, buying more towels and crap for the house.  Life goes on.

In between Apeman lost his nanna - she died as a result of a mild heart attack and old age.  Sigh.  Again, like my grandpa's passing last year the last thing she said to us was she was keen to see great-grand children from us.  Again we failed in that department and lamely tried to tell her that we are `busy' and will have kids `a bit later'. 

When I got my test results that day, via that `I am sorry I don't have good news for you' phone call, I thought I will never recover from this experience again.  I went all numb and weak and couldn't pull myself up from the sofa.  I wanted to be swallowed and never be seen again.  I want to be in a coma.

But eventually I got up and moved on.  I made myself busy and cleaned mirrors and shower screens and wiped every surface in the house.  I threw away needles, old medications, wipes, instructions for this cycle.  I did some light gardening.

Then a few days later I realise I can do this again.  It is not the end of the road for me yet because I never believe I cannot fall pregnant.  I know I have it in me somewhere.  This one just happens to fall into that 87%failure rate for a frozen embryo transfer cycle, although it has already happened one too many times I still don't believe I will die childless.  Because I won't.  Apeman and I will be parents soon enough.

So here’s what next.  Looks like this is the rest cycle and will be looking at a fresh collection with this new clinic in April.  I am going to try the assisted hatch Day 3 transfer combo – possibly investigate the benefits in tubal transfer.  And yes I will be taking advantage of their counselling option with the fresh cycle.  In the mean time I am going to hang tight and live as dangerously as possible.  Hack, if Britney Spears can be a mom (and for the second time - five months after the birth of her first), so can I.  And when I do fall pregnant, I am going to have the biggest and loudest baby shower this side of Australia.

Baby hit me one more time.