Sunday, September 16, 2007


I am not a particularly bitchy person. I don't ever hold grudges against anybody - if I ever get angry enough to hate a person - it usually lasts as long as my short term memory - which is pretty short.

But right now, at this moment, I really want to yank my mother in law, by the head, and throw her out of my house.

Poopee became sick a few days ago. It was as per the doctor diagnosed - a common cold. As soon as she found out Poopee's sick, she nearly ramped her SVU into the post box on my driveway, creating skid marks, just to see Poopee. She threw me an angry look and said, `Is your daughter sick?' - as if its entirely my fault and my failure as a mother. When she saw Poopee - she was like, `Oh my God! You poor thing, don't worry grandma's here, you must be in a lot of pain you poor thing.'

I had the scary urge of doing that yank hair throw out of house thing.

Before I had a chance to do so - she had a go at me for taking her out to dinner the previous night, which, I must add, it was a dinner she participated in as well. Her sons wanted to take her out to dinner, and she didn't exactly turn the opportunity down. She said Poopee's now sick because we were `greedy' for restaurant food.

I don't know how to react to that comment except to say well then, we won't go out again at night for dinner. It's difficult - the typical reaction to that comment should be a stern `GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE'. But in my case, due to Apeman's closeness to his mother, it is difficult for me to have such a big reaction towards his saintly mother. It will cause a certain marriage rift. He has, on many occasions, tell me I should tell his mother exactly how I feel, but how can you? This woman doesn't listen. At times she is happy to humour me and do what I told her to, but eventually revert to what she feels is best. Other times she will speak down to me as if I am retarded. And anyway, how can I use Apeman's version of `stern language' and tell his mother where to go? She's bound to get upset and therefore causing troubles between me and Apeman.

I should be at my happiest. And I am in some ways. I look at my girl everyday and see that beautiful face of hers and wonder - how can we be so damn lucky? But lately, with my mother in law visiting us nearly every day (now that she has a reason to - Poopee), and spending up to four hours with us - watching us eat (she won't eat anything I cooked and look at what I cooked with an amused look), hogging Poopee, watching TV with us, talking to Apeman as if I don't exist - I feel like I want to vomit everytime I hear her car pulls up at our driveway. I want to throw her out even before she has a chance to get into our house. But I can't.

She makes me so unhappy. She makes me feel so unworthy sometimes with the things she say to me. And when I tell Apeman about it - he tells me its just the way his mum speaks. But it hurts. Everytime.

I must sound pathetic to you. I can't even stand up to this person in my own house.

Amusingly, she even told me I should stop breastfeeding Poopee when she was four months old. I found out later that it's because she expects me to return to the workforce and she will take over the full time care of my precious beloved. So it is easier for her for Poopee to be on formula.

This is one thing I can promise - not over my dead body will she be caring for my daughter.


Thalia said...

Sweetie I think you have to sit apeman down for a serious talk. He needs to be the one who intervenes here, it's simply not possible for it to be you. For one thing, she won't hear you. If he's not getting it, could you get one of your friends to talk to him who can see how it's stressing you out? I remember when H wasn't taking our fertility issues seriously and kept saying he wanted to wait, it was a friend of mine who shocked him into action.

I do think in the meantime you can stick to a few rules about visiting that we discussed before - a limited number of hours per day, she has to call before hand etc. I don't know how you do that, except to just keep saying it to her firmly, lock the door when you don't want to see her, get a friend to come round to help you not let her bulldoze you. Apeman absolutely has to insist that she doesn't insult you, if she stays to dinner she has to eat, etc. It's his job as your husband.

Refuse to get wound up - take the moral high ground and be the calm, sensible person. Much as you and all of us want to smack her right now.

I'm so sorry, you really don't need this!

soralis said...

Oh man you need to get that woman out of your house! I'm with Thalia you need to talk to your hubby. Good luck

n i c k y said...

Just found your blog. You're daughter is beautiful and I'm sure as she grows up will feel the constant tension going on between you and your MIL. I'm appalled that you've let this situation continue for so long. You're losing it. Your MIL doesn't know where the boundaries are because you've failed to set any. Does your husband walk all over you too? I am SO angry to read about your domineering MIL. I'd have thrown her out of the house a very long time ago. If you can't set boundaries tell her she isn't welcome.

Jo said...

I have a nasty MIL too hun. That part of my life has been made a complete misery.

I go on The people on their are great on the forums and have loads of good advice.

Hugs to you and your little one. A swift kick up the @rse for your DH