Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The 32 Week Non-Event

Unborn Poopee's Gestational Age: 32 weeks and 3 days
Present: Drew & Apeman
Location: Ape-Land Bathroom
Evidence: A single stained Carefree panty-liner - breathable and unscented - stained with a questionable colour.

Drew: It's brown. I am telling you it's brown. Oh shit I think it looks a little red under this light.
Ape: Looks yellow to me. It's not brown, and definitely not red.
Drew: *Yanking the evidence from Apeman* - Look - it is fucking brown. I think it's a show. Oh fuck it's too early. What is going on? I am not ready yet. The baby can't possibly be coming out right now - it is not the right time....the lungs needs maturing.....gain some weight...it's fucking brown...oh shit.
Ape: Hey calm down. Take a shower first, and don't rush it, take your time and relax, then we will call the midwife okay? I still think it's yellow. It is no where near brown.
Drew; IT'S FUCKING BROWN. OH MY GOD. I am nowhere near ready yet! I haven't even packed my bags yet. I haven't even washed anything, I don't have a birth plan!!!!!
Ape: The shower. Now.

A 10 minute shower, followed by a 10 minute (with controlled inner-calm) conversation with midwife. Was told not to worry, brown discharge is not uncommon between 30 to 35 weeks. Any further coloured discharge or unusual developments to contact the hospital again. In the mean time I should rest up, put feet up at least, and call the doctor first thing in the morning to advice him on this latest development.

The evidence (stained panty liner) was left on display near the basin.

Unborn Poopee's Gestational Age: 32 weeks and 4 days
Present: Drew & Apeman
Location: Ape-Land Bathroom
Evidence: A single stained Carefree panty-liner - breathable and unscented - sadly displayed next to the bathroom basin.


Drew: It's yellow.
Ape: I told you so. You freak.

3 comments:

Just another Jenny said...

The fact that you could get him to look at the panty liner amazes me. My husband leaves me to my own devices in those types of situations. I'm glad it was yellow and the worry has subsided.

soralis said...

Glad to hear it was yellow.. take care!

Em said...

I recall the panty-liner gazing. Even better is in the later weeks when you think your waters have broken but it's actually you just dribbling wee. I took in a pad to my midwife and she was sniffing it to see if it was amniotic fluid or wee!