Where do I start?
Back in September/October, when the second pregnancy didn't work out, tissue from the D&C was sent to the lab for analysis - a post mortem so to speak. It was costly considering how routine this test actually is. I read in the newspaper today that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. So after what seemed to be weeks of waiting, heartbreakingly I wanted to find out the sex of the baby because at least I can mourn my little embryo with a gender-appropriate name (despite naming her initally as Penelope), the results came conclusively and dismissively as `insufficient tissue to conduct analysis'. I never get to find out why things didn't work out.
Weeks of mild depression, followed by constant nagging by close family and relatives that my little Poopee is not talkative - at all. My Poopee was 19 months old when we took her to the doctors for a routine hearing test - since this is the first thing they test if a toddler is not verbal. I never suspected anything - really - she is totally gorgeous. She communicates well (just not verbally) with other people, makes good eye contact, loves engaging in people with small jibberish talk, and has a pretty good understanding of our instructions to her. In two, even three languages.
The hearing test was a negative. Sounds couldn't travel past her ear drums, which means she has only partial or no hearing - which may explain her lack of speech. We were referred to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, whom referrred us to an Audiologist and did a more comprehensive hearing test. Similar results. She had some degree of hearing but there was definitely a loss. The Ear specialist tried to look into her ears to see past the eardrum (checking for glue ears), he discovered her eardrum was completely covered up with wax, so much so that he couldn't even see her eardrum.
December 15th 2008, worst day of my life. My Poopee was scheduled into the hospital she was born in (ironically). Doctor had to give her ears a good clean (whilst she was under general anesthethic), and to check for glue ears. For glue ears he had to pierce her eardrums with the tiniest of needle and insert tiny little grommits to allow dry air circulation. This is all to improve her hearing.
I had to hold her down whilst they insert the needle into her wrist, the drugs to make her go to sleep. I know that needle, the last time that needle went into my wrist I was at my D&C. That needle really hurt. They did that to my poor Poopee twice because the first time didn't hit a vein. She was wailing and screaming and crying out in pain as I held her down. I had to be supported out of the theatre because I was crying so much I couldn't even walk. I wasn't a very strong mum for Poopee unfortunately.
It was over and one with within five minutes. Poopee woke up very pissed off. The good news was she didn't have glue ears. So no grommits were needed. She just had ALOT of wax in her ears. So much that it impaired her hearing. Her hearing has now been restored.
Since then we noticed only a slight improvement in her speech. She doesn't copy words well, and only uses a few words. I am a bit terrified that there is something else wrong with her speech abilities, though Apeman thinks I worry too much. She is now 22 months. Yes she is slow with her speech, but she will catch up. In the mean time we have regular sessions with a speech therapist to help us.
And on top of all the medical appointments and constant worrying over her speech and eating (or the lack of) - I developed insomnia. I laid in bed for 10 hours whilst Poopee sleep peacefully away, wide awake. Even sleep aid in both natural and medical ingredients didn't help. The worst was sleeping just two hours in four days. It was worst than dying. For me anyway.
Thankfully I regained my ability to sleep as soon as Poopee had her surgery. I stopped worrying and slept well since. But am afraid it will happen again.
Then December 27th, Apeman left that night for a work trip. He said he was keen for a baby (again) so let's get it on etc. We did it just before he left for the airport.
Two days before my period was due (things been very regular since my D&C), I felt really tired, so tired even after a restful night of sleep. The day my period was due, January 11th 2009, I bought a pregnancy test kit and peed on it. Two lines very quickly.
I was stunned. To have it happen again, like this.
This time I am completely cool about it. I am going to sit tight, and wait for a blood test next friday. Seven weeks scan already booked in with my good doctor.