Thursday, January 29, 2009

I don't even know what to say.

I got my bad nausea back again after dinner last night. Throwing up every fifteen minutes or so. Things were looking up. I am pregnant.

I woke up exhausted this morning, only to discover a heap of blood on my panty liner. I wiped and wiped and keep wiping fresh red blood.

I know in my heart things are nearly, if not already, over.

I don't understand. I really don't understand. We all saw a strong heartbeat in my doctor's rooms last night.

I am starting to think maybe Poopee is indeed a miracle. Not just in typed words - but a miracle that needs to be celebrated everyday. Because I got pregnant with her without knowing that I could, and carried her to term without any mishaps. After so many years of struggling with fertility and she happened without a glitch. And I thank God for that.

I was told to rest my feet up this morning despite the obvious, and a scan tomorrow to check what is going on. I am not being pessimistic. I am being realistic.

I am grateful for the opportunities, but is completely heartbroken to be me right now. I just don't know what to say.


Thalia said...

Oh Drew I don't know what to say. Could they figure out where the bleeding was coming from yesterday? I know this is awful but there are others who have bled throughout pregnancy and been fine. Terrified, but fine. Given what you saw yesterday I don't think it's over, and I'm definitely not someone for false hope. Hang in there.

Anne said...

Coming to you from the Stirrup Queen Lost and Found blog...because something similar happened to me. Have you been checked for cervical polyps? I bled every day for an entire month with my pregnancy. I still get anxious thinking about it. It would happen every morning and then stop. I did not have any cramping. The doctor kept sending me for ultrasounds which showed everything to be ok. Finally, at 11 weeks, the doctor did an internal exam and saw what was described as a 'huge' polyp. No reason for why it was there, but there was a suggestion that it was related to extra hormones present from the progesterone suppositories. My thoughts are with you and I am hoping all is well.


Soralis said...

Hoping for you. Thinking of you.

Hang in there, I can't imagine!


FattyPants said...

Here from the L&F. I had a lot of red bleeding all the upto and halfway through my second trimester. It is so scary. I'm hoping for you it is something that isn't serious and you and your baby are okay.

Cassandra said...

Oh no! That is so scary.

I hope that the bleeding stops and that everything is alright.

Take care.

Eggs Akimbo said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Drew.

me and m said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
me and m said...

Hi sweetie,
So so sorry to hear about all you've been through lately. I hope you are doing better....
I miscarried as well a few months ago at around 8 weeks, so I know what you must be going through.

How are you doing now? Keep us posted...