Tuesday, April 18, 2006

And it's bleeding...

So the first sign of bleeding showed up on thursday, friday came the faint red river flow, then it was Saturday. Day 1.

Easter Saturday was a bit of bollocks. I went to the clinic to get my `Day 1' blood test. I thought I was cute for showing up earlier than expected for a Saturday, only to discover another 30 or so women had the same idea. They were all waiting patiently as the under-staffed clinic tried to cramp as much blood taking they can in two hours. I wasn't too fussed - waiting in a cramped room with crampy women reading well-read magazines is like a walk in the park these days. What's new.

An hour later my name was called. And after three attempts I was told all veins have collapsed and I was to wait for another 10 minutes and get myself a coffee for hydration. Fuck. Well I guess it's better than let's have a look at your feet to see if we have anything there.

For some reason I was feeling sad after all that jabbing and probing around under the skin. Just plain sad. This would've been piss easy for me and I would've taken it in the chin like any other day. But for some reason that day I just felt like plain shit. I walked out of the clinic (en route to the coffee machine) crying. Pathetically crying. Sob sob sob sob sob crying. And worse still, as I walked out of the clinic I saw a man (who was about to walk INTO the clinic) eyeing me up and down. Yeah thanks.

I think I was feeling vulernable. I really fucking hate blood tests. Anyhow everything is okay. At base line on saturday and on sunday I was allowed to start my injections. I want to grow big big big eggs. Please.

I signed all the papers - everything from the `Yes please I want to be wheeled into an operating theatre' to the `Yes please use the new government non-approved fluid to grow my embryos' to the `Yes please use my eggs or any genetic material extracted from me or my husband'.

I don't even know what to say. I want to be a mommy so incredibly bad. I was holding my sister in law's baby girl on the weekend and saw how much she looks like Apeman's brother. I want a little girl with big brown eyes who calls Apeman daddy, and hug him until she falls asleep and breathes her baby breathe.

I am going to take this one day at a time. Today is Day 4.


Em said...

All the best for this Drew. I can't wait till I read on your blog that you are pregnant.
I had a Glucose test and they couldn't get a vein on my arm because I'd been fasting so I had a butterfly clip in my had. It was gross.

Kris said...

Good luck growing those big healthy eggs.

I'm sorry about your blood test experience, I know how you feel. I've had the veins just not want to cooperate either, and it's such a stupid little thing, but everything about the ART experience is so big and draining, I have totally cried when the comparatively easy blood test can't even go right.

Very best wishes to you.

Sheryl said...

One day at a time is right Drew! You can do it and I wish you all the best. Here's hoping for the biggest and bestest eggs!!

Betty said...

Good luck with that egg growing Drew. I feel as desperate as you to be a mum. Keep chipping away, you are right to take each day as it comes. I try really hard not to think of the future too much in case I get frightened. I don't know if that helps in any way :)