So the first sign of bleeding showed up on thursday, friday came the faint red river flow, then it was Saturday. Day 1.
Easter Saturday was a bit of bollocks. I went to the clinic to get my `Day 1' blood test. I thought I was cute for showing up earlier than expected for a Saturday, only to discover another 30 or so women had the same idea. They were all waiting patiently as the under-staffed clinic tried to cramp as much blood taking they can in two hours. I wasn't too fussed - waiting in a cramped room with crampy women reading well-read magazines is like a walk in the park these days. What's new.
An hour later my name was called. And after three attempts I was told all veins have collapsed and I was to wait for another 10 minutes and get myself a coffee for hydration. Fuck. Well I guess it's better than let's have a look at your feet to see if we have anything there.
For some reason I was feeling sad after all that jabbing and probing around under the skin. Just plain sad. This would've been piss easy for me and I would've taken it in the chin like any other day. But for some reason that day I just felt like plain shit. I walked out of the clinic (en route to the coffee machine) crying. Pathetically crying. Sob sob sob sob sob crying. And worse still, as I walked out of the clinic I saw a man (who was about to walk INTO the clinic) eyeing me up and down. Yeah thanks.
I think I was feeling vulernable. I really fucking hate blood tests. Anyhow everything is okay. At base line on saturday and on sunday I was allowed to start my injections. I want to grow big big big eggs. Please.
I signed all the papers - everything from the `Yes please I want to be wheeled into an operating theatre' to the `Yes please use the new government non-approved fluid to grow my embryos' to the `Yes please use my eggs or any genetic material extracted from me or my husband'.
I don't even know what to say. I want to be a mommy so incredibly bad. I was holding my sister in law's baby girl on the weekend and saw how much she looks like Apeman's brother. I want a little girl with big brown eyes who calls Apeman daddy, and hug him until she falls asleep and breathes her baby breathe.
I am going to take this one day at a time. Today is Day 4.
4 comments:
All the best for this Drew. I can't wait till I read on your blog that you are pregnant.
I had a Glucose test and they couldn't get a vein on my arm because I'd been fasting so I had a butterfly clip in my had. It was gross.
Good luck growing those big healthy eggs.
I'm sorry about your blood test experience, I know how you feel. I've had the veins just not want to cooperate either, and it's such a stupid little thing, but everything about the ART experience is so big and draining, I have totally cried when the comparatively easy blood test can't even go right.
Very best wishes to you.
One day at a time is right Drew! You can do it and I wish you all the best. Here's hoping for the biggest and bestest eggs!!
Good luck with that egg growing Drew. I feel as desperate as you to be a mum. Keep chipping away, you are right to take each day as it comes. I try really hard not to think of the future too much in case I get frightened. I don't know if that helps in any way :)
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