Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I am making this shit up

Oh yes - its all bollocks.

I made this entire cycle up. At least that's how I've been feeling the last two days anyway. I've been waking up in the morning to this intense FULL feeling, like I need to do a big dump, but I don't really. Pissing is a hideously painful excercise - so bad that I had to grit my teeth and go slowly everytime. I blame endometriosis again. Fucking disease.

I went to work the last few days with this foul fullness pain in my stomach. Then two days ago I started having this intense prickly pains in the breasts - not pre-menstrual type boob pains - but prickly, sharp jabs in all areas around the boobs every 10 minutes. My boobs suddenly seem to have filled out a bit (I have gone from an A-cup to a fuller A-cup). Apeman was quite excited about my new fuller boobs. He thinks I'm a porn star. Sickly. Anyway the bigger boobs are probably the result of Puregon jabs.

Then today I don't feel anything at all. No boob pains. Not much stomach fullness. It certainly doesn't feel like I am an egg farm. Very ordinary. I remember before I got onto this IVF ride six years ago, a lady at work told me she is about to embark on her first IVF cycle because they haven't had much luck for the past 18 months. She told me she was going to take the entire month off just to concentrate on IVF and give herself sufficient rest to cope with the process. I thought to myself, holy shit, this IVF business is SERIOUS! Then of course she goes and fall pregnant naturally - one week before she was to start IVF. She had a little girl and she looks absolutely beautiful.

I don't intend to take any time off this time - only a few days here and there to accomodate the procedures. But then of course somewhere during the two week wait I will fall off my bandwagon, quit my job and ramble in my blog something about blue skies and jesus juice and how I am never going to be mom in this lifetime...something like that.

But all that will only happen if I can get pass egg collection. Tomorrow going in for what I hope to be my last blood test before egg collection, and a final scan. I hope there is something in there for everyone - ie. eggs to collect from me, and a little more revenue for the clinic.

On a more upbeat note, today I inherited a beautiful antique diamond ring. It belonged to Apeman's grandmother who passed away a couple of weeks ago. I don't know much about diamonds (honestly!), but it looks pretty expensive. At her funeral I remembered I consoled Apeman saying something about what a wonderful life she's had - 10 children, 25 grandchildren and another dozen of great-grand children. I said to him I wish I have a life like his grandmother - to have such a large clan of loved ones and to be loved and cherished by so many.

And today I inherited a part of Apeman's grandma - I hope to rub off some of her luck and happiness, and create our own breed of Apekids. It's time to start a family of our own.


Betty said...

Good luck girlie, I hope with all my might that Apeman's Grandmother's ring brings some luck your way. Does it fit you? I hope you are wearing it!!

Kris said...

Oh, I hope your scan goes well tomorrow. And I also hope Grandma's ring also provides you with much fertility luck.

Fingers crossed for you.

Thalia said...

I love the sound of the ring. Hoping the scan went well today and that you're on for retrieval on Friday. I'll just be a few days behind!