Yup. Estrogen didn't even climb after almost two weeks of Puregon jabbing. There are lots of little follicles but none mature enough to get an ovulation happening. There is a thick enough endometrium but probably no use if I don't ovulate. The instruction was to bump the current dosage up to double - and keep going for a few more days.
I just made an appointment today to see my surgeon. I want to look into getting the smaller ovary removed. Again. The moment it came back it seems my body has lost the will to ovulate and be normal.
I don't know if I am being irrational here. But who cares. At the moment the only person who has to live in this body of mine, and knows enough to care about what is happening to it - is myself. The clinic nurse was a little too busy to tell me my blood levels today - she said it was low - that's all. I said how low, what are they. She sounded a little agitated when she told me about them - as if I was wasting her time because what would I know? I am only the infertility patient.
I think after five years of having regular bloods done I qualify to receive my blood test results. I didn't give all that blood out for no reason.
Yes today I am agitated. I am agitated because I am tired. I am tired because I feel cheated. I feel cheated because my body doesn't work and when I try to fix it, it turns more tricks and creates even more problems so I feel fucked - constantly.
I am not Mary Future Queen of Denmark and can churn out an heir to the Danish throne on demand. I am incapable of doing that. I don't know how to feel but since finding out her good news I must be the unhappiest Australian in Australia who don't really feel like celebrating or finding out the exact dimensions of her son. I don't see why we need to send her a gift of a pair of Tasmanian Devils because Drew here can't even fucking ovulate like the majority of the Australian population.
Just to show how agitated I am, and how sick, and fucking tired I am trying to conceive like normal people, I choose to rebel and not listen to the clinic. Am sticking with my low dose Puregon (instead of the instructed double dose) until Thursday's blood test. If they tell me nothing is happening, then I will pack up, go home and get ready for Christmas.
I just want to be happy. I am tired of fighting with my ovaries.