During IVF off-season - I do what I feel is best for my body, mind and soul - and that is to go shopping.
It was a rather numbing experience. Friday night I went for quiet drink with work people, a rare occasion for me because I usually `go home and rest' during `trying to conceive' period. So when things go to shit - I go social drinking and do what normal 31 year old women do and live the `carefree' life. I think.
I had my one-off bourbon and coke, left the half drunk crowd to their own demise, and off I went.
I tipsyly dropped into some shops, and tried on everything that looked remotely appealing. Didn't end up buying alot, just a few tops for work, but the idea of draping myself in beautiful clothing and model them in front of the change room mirrors seemed appealing at the time.
So as I indulged in a little self love (ooh Drew, that's hot. Oh that actually makes your bum looked a little tighter. You're hot, HOT HOT!), I briefly forgot about that IVF mess last week. I wanted more.
So I walked out of one of the change rooms, and demanded to try a ridculous shift/cloth/drapey item I had on at the time in a smaller size, and was in smack-bang confrontation with my work friend and his wife, who announced they were three months
pregnant on the day I found out about my 9th IVF failure. Suddenly my big band parade came crashing down. It sucked.
I said my hellos. She's totally lovely, she said I looked good in that drapey/shift cloth item, and she looked beautifully pregnant. He - who usually by this time on a friday night should be relatively shitfaced at the pub with my other alcoholic workmates, is dutifully playing the future dad and was escorting his pregnant missus in and out of expensive boutiques like a gay designer or sort.
Well - the whole thing sucked for maybe fifteen minutes. Then it was a lonely walk back to the car and a quiet drive home. Apeman had gone hunting/doing things for the house. It was a lonely night, but I reminded myself things could've been a lot worse - so might as well enjoy life whilst I can still afford to.
And then I am going to face my IVF demon once again. Only when I am good and ready.