Monday, October 31, 2005

Screeching Stop?

I noticed something this morning.

1) I have been sleeping like a baby the past week or so. I used to stay awake thinking about babies, IVF, drugs (fertility type), dosages (again fertility type) and when my period is going to arrive so I can start a new cycle. But no. Not this past week.
2) I have COMPLETELY stopped charting my temperatures. The two thermometers (I have one duty and one standby) have been collecting dust doing bugger all.
3) I don't really give a shit about when my period is going to here. Although I secretly wish it's here, but if it never comes then fuck it.

I have been, actually, living like a normal human being.

Mom said: `You just look after yourself, if there are not going to be any kids, then let it be.'
Sister L said: `Hunnie think about adoption - you have so much love to give and it does not necessarily need to be your own!'
Bitchy sister in law said (and during a buffet, unfair I'd say): `Are you expecting? Your stomach's huge! Have you FINALLY got good news for us?'
Woman's Day said: `Mary's little prince!'
Cosmopolitan said: `Look fabulous in 7 days with new butt-tightening technique'
WHO said: `Hollywood Baby-Boom!!!'

Ha - who to listen when there are so many wise people out there?

I say listen to my heart.


Pamplemousse said...

Indeed, listen to it. Do you have your own stethoscope?? Take care, sweetie.

Em said...

Everyone suggests 'letting go' and it is hard but it is amazing what can happen when you focus on other stuff.

Choking said...

Gave me a chill. Yes, listen to your heart.

Ova Girl said...

Absolutely, drew.

I too am in a strange place at the moment, a non drugs, non temping, non Chinese Horrid Teas place. I can do nothing until my next period starts. So I am doing nothing. And lordy, what a strange and unfamiliar feeling it is.
But I like it!

Sheryl said...

Of course you have to listen to your heart. There will always be people with thoughts and opinions, but when it comes right down to it, its what you feel that really matters!

MC said...

I'm also not stressying as much about things at the moment. I'm on the pill, but still one and half weeks away from starting syneral and then another 2 weeks before a scan. It's nice to laugh and not feel sad all the time.

Thalia said...

The one good thing about the IVF cycle has been stopping temping. No point. It is strangely liberating. But the extent you've gone to? Wow. I'm in awe.

Kath said...

I am really amazed that you only recently gave up temping. I have never seen it as anything more than a waste of time.

Also, funny why people seem to want you to give up and move on to adoption - like its as easy as turning left instead of right.

Drew said...

Yeah too right Kath

It's quite a big hurdle to jump in order to approach the adoption idea - because there are so many other issues to work through.

I'm nowhere need quitting IVF yet. But I have learnt from the past when you run out of steam - best to steer away for a little while then soldier on.

Anonymous said...

I can identify with everything that you have written. I was actually searching for something else but came across your blog and all I can say is WOW!!!

I wish I could sit down with you, over a nice brew and some biscuits and have a chat! You have my full admiration - if you are ever in England, Buckinghamshire you're more than welcome to stop by.

You're younger than I am and I've just completed 'round 1 of IVF (unsuccessfully). My fiancé and I have been together for close to 9 years and his family are less than nice to me - here are some of the comments:

Partner's Dad to his son (my fiancé):
"She getting on, so get f*cking!"

Partner's Mother to his son (my fiancé): "She won't be successful with the first IVF, you know!"

Partner's Sister to her brother (my fiancé): "I can't wait to have a little niece or nephew"

Then there are my "close" girl friends (2 don't have children and 3 do have children already):
"You still trying?"
"How's IVF going?"
"Have you ever thought of adoption?"
"The clock is ticking you know"
I usually meet up with them to have a nice girly lunch. Next month we're supposed to meet up but I don't want to go - HELL NO!!! The last thing I want to contend with are the "Are you pregnant, yet?!" questions. To avoid the situation where I may just get ignorant and cuss them out I have decided NOT to attend.

Drew, please listen to you and only you!