In my own little geek world (ie. my engineering department), we have a team of four people. I am the only girl (whoopie to that - because this means I am the resident secretary, minute-taker, computer expert, gofer, relationship analyst and social planner), the other two guys are married and are in their mid thirties, and another guy who is probably the luckiest of us all because he is a bachelor in his fourties and has an amazing bachelor pad complete with a personally designed and self built pergola and a custom ordered telescope. Oh, and no fertility problems.
By accident, whilst chatting to one of the married guys a few weeks ago, I discovered about his fertility problems - and realise him and his wife had just undergone their first IVF treatment just a month before my PGD cycle. Unfortunately for them, the result was a negative.
He was one of the people I let in about my PGD cycle, and he was one of the first person to ask me how did it go.
So anyway - today, as in right now, he is waiting for the beta result of their second cycle. He is so excited about it that he took the day off so he can wait by the phone with his wife. He told me yesterday that he is very optimistic that this is going to work for them, and in three months time when his wife is three months into her pregnancy, they will most likely sell their current house and buy a slightly bigger house to welcome the new baby - and if they couldn't find anything decent to buy, he might just put an extension to the house to accomodate a nursery. Then it will be more kids for them soon after the first one is born because they don't want to wait.
It's all very good and well, except this morning I arrived at work feeling like shit. It's as if I am going through the whole 2 week wait and beta result again. I feel lousy because it seems everybody else is getting pregnant after undergoing between 1 to 5 cycles and I am still pathetically charging on to double digits in IVF cycles undertaken.
My painful day got worse because some irritating shithead keeps popping by my workstation to check out what I have on screen but pretend he wasn't really looking at my screen by generating some mindless conversation about microsoft word printing or some shit like that. And when I quickly minimise my webpage he giggled and said oh what were you looking at? Is there something you don't want to share? He he he. Show us show us.
Oh yes dickwit, its my blog on infertility about vaginal ultrasounds, heavy periods and passing of clots. You want to have a read?
If I am an alcoholic - this will be the day I break the spell and drink myself stupid.
But I will settle with a piece of black forrest cake. Just one piece.