Sunday, May 07, 2006

Apple Tree and Dates

I really hate the two week wait.

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I am going nuts. This morning I laid in bed thinking of a possible way out for myself if I get another negative. I considered many things. I have already got it all worked out.

It is the following Monday. I will be at work in theory. And instead of rushing home like I did for last cycle to wait for the phone call (which was used as an insurance in case things don't work out at least I can cry in the comforts of my own home), I will probably leave work for an hour or so, go to a cafe, sit quietly and wait for the dreaded call. I much rather do that than sit at home and cry myself silly. Last cycle's negative was pretty hard to take.

And this one is going to be even harder.

Had a blood test on friday to check hormone levels. I have been walking around with a very tense stomach - the ones you get after a greedy night at the buffet - it has been bloated to a ridiculous size and I look about 4 months pregnant (ha...the irony). I still do. I didn't think it was IVF related, I just thought there is something wrong with my digestive system or something, It turned out there is EVERYTHING to do with IVF. On friday E2=4000 (what the fuck?) and P4 = 600 (WHAT THE FUCK?). I asked the coordinator to repeat the numbers and apparently I heard correctly.

Chuckle chuckle. `Oh Drew your stomach must be pretty bloated!'

Oh has been hasn't it?

No wonder.

Apparently numbers are NORMAL at this stage of the cycle. Whatever normal means because I don't recall it being so high before. I tried to shut that information off and concentrate on something else. Since then I have totally reshaped my eyebrows, made a start (I did not say FINISH here) on four different of them Indian, a Chinese stir-fry, some pasta thing and a soup of some kind. I also re-jigged my towel system and started working on a new set of bikini lines - one pluck at the time.

I vacantly stare at my doggie - a lot.

Last night I dreamt my sister in law is pregnant with another baby. A boy. She was dancing around and flashing me little blue bibs and little baby Nike shoes. Fucking hell.

And Britney Spears is pregnant again. Poor child is going to be raised by a family consisting of a socially retarded father whose conversation is limited to verbal diarrhea and various meaningless rap tunes and doesn't know the meaning of a hard day's work, a mother who says `I dig it' alot and has a hit called `Baby hit me one more time'. And she doesn't believe in child-seats for cars with all the money that she has.

Oh I know I 'm mean. But fuck it, it's my two week wait and I can whinge if I want to.


Thalia said...

I really hate the 2ww too!! Sounds like you are keeping yourself busy. It's the only way.

Kris said...

Oh, that wait is torture! I'm shortly onto mine and I'm dreading it. I hope you find something fun to keep you entertained (and to keep you from staring at the calendar)!

Mony said...

You actually sound very sane considering you're smack in the middle of 2ww hell!
Cheering over here for you Drew!

Twisted Ovaries said...

I am also right in the middle of my 2ww. I test on Friday, and I've decided to do it somewhere not home, as should it be negative, I don't want to associate it with my lovely house.

Stupid reasoning, really, but there you have it.

2ww sucks, and this week I'm chucking myself on a train to London every day to pretend like it's not the single biggest thing I'm thinking about every other second of the day (the alternate second being: Oh my God, I have to pee. This, thanks to the 2litres of water a day they have me on.)

UtRus said...

hang in there, sister. TWW sucks eggs. but at least your brows are shaped nicely. (that's so funny) I would not presume to give you any advice since you have been through so much... but i am thinking about you and hoping for you and you will be ok no matter what happens. hugs.

Sunnie said...

Hey Drew...when is your 2ww over? Mine is the 19th. Let's wait together.

Oh, I'd love to see the new brows. :)

Betty said...

Ahrg it's a horrible time. I just try to keep really busy. If I fill my head up with other stuff then I won't spend too much time hoping. Good in theory.

ninaB said...

Hang in there.
Hoping for good things for you.