- Instead of resigning, I have decided to take `unspecified terms unpaid leave’ – did not state when I will return to work or IF I will return to work. It kind of take the edge off my sudden departure – soften the blow for my boss and particularly for myself. Apeman stood by me 100% - he thinks I should just take a break and join the gym and work on being healthy and happy. My career has been in tatters ever since three years ago when things were starting to look bad. My career has undergone a lot of pain and suffering – I feel it everyday. It’s quite sad that I had let this whole IVF thing get to my head – but it happened and I am trying to turn things around.
- Bought a book from the Dummy Series on fertility – it looked ridiculous initially but it really helped reading something that brings me down to earth. I am treating it as a refresher course. Amazingly after so many cycles there are still things I don’t know. Loved the pictures. They tell you everything about what goes on during the 2ww and why embryo glue shouldn’t be used. Etc etc.
- Bought another book about mind over matter in relation to fertility issues. It also sounds ridiculous but hey I am going to have A BIT OF spare time so might as well do something useful and get some alternative help.
- After a few hiccups during, and after this past cycle, have decided to stop all IVF treatment at least for a few months and maybe try something a bit less invasive like IUI / naturally ttc. Am very conscious about what the meds are doing to my body – and am seriously, SERIOUSLY in need of a mini break from the whole needle / blood-taking / Day 5 transfer / stirrups / 2ww / I am sorry it’s a negative again deal – if my mind is getting a rest so shall my body.
- Am going travelling with the Ape – would be nice to get knocked up during the trip but am not and will not be holding my breath.
- Have already started on a diet loosely based on the Dian Mills diet. Basically cut out caffeine and diary L and wheat from my life. So far I have cheated maybe about 7 times but hey, a start is a start.
- Am going to, and will, stay happy. Regardless of whatever will happen. I hope nothing will change this positive frame of mind. With or without child I am determined to stay happy and be content with what I’ve already got. Otherwise healthy, and be able to do what I want to do.
So that’s the plan so far. If somebody is kind enough to upgrade me to the bare feet and pregnant option I am more than willing to oblige. But I am not going to trade my soul for it. Not like before.