Monday, May 22, 2006

Start Again

  1. Instead of resigning, I have decided to take `unspecified terms unpaid leave’ – did not state when I will return to work or IF I will return to work.  It kind of take the edge off my sudden departure – soften the blow for my boss and particularly for myself.  Apeman stood by me 100% - he thinks I should just take a break and join the gym and work on being healthy and happy.  My career has been in tatters ever since three years ago when things were starting to look bad.  My career has undergone a lot of pain and suffering – I feel it everyday.  It’s quite sad that I had let this whole IVF thing get to my head – but it happened and I am trying to turn things around. 
  2. Bought a book from the Dummy Series on fertility – it looked ridiculous initially but it really helped reading something that brings me down to earth.  I am treating it as a refresher course.  Amazingly after so many cycles there are still things I don’t know.  Loved the pictures.  They tell you everything about what goes on during the 2ww and why embryo glue shouldn’t be used.  Etc etc.
  3. Bought another book about mind over matter in relation to fertility issues.  It also sounds ridiculous but hey I am going to have A BIT OF spare time so might as well do something useful and get some alternative help.
  4. After a few hiccups during, and after this past cycle, have decided to stop all IVF treatment at least for a few months and maybe try something a bit less invasive like IUI / naturally ttc.  Am very conscious about what the meds are doing to my body – and am seriously, SERIOUSLY in need of a mini break from the whole needle / blood-taking / Day 5 transfer / stirrups / 2ww / I am sorry it’s a negative again deal – if my mind is getting a rest so shall my body.
  5. Am going travelling with the Ape – would be nice to get knocked up during the trip but am not and will not be holding my breath.
  6. Have already started on a diet loosely based on the Dian Mills diet.  Basically cut out caffeine and diary L and wheat from my life.  So far I have cheated maybe about 7 times but hey, a start is a start.   
  7. Am going to, and will, stay happy.  Regardless of whatever will happen.  I hope nothing will change this positive frame of mind.  With or without child I am determined to stay happy and be content with what I’ve already got.  Otherwise healthy, and be able to do what I want to do.

So that’s the plan so far.  If somebody is kind enough to upgrade me to the bare feet and pregnant option I am more than willing to oblige.  But I am not going to trade my soul for it.  Not like before.

8 comments:

StellaNova said...

I hope you don't mind me commenting after lurking for a while, but GOOD ON YOU. I absolutely and completely understand your feelings and motivations. You are very lucky to be in a position that you can do this. I find it so hard (actually impossible) not to let any of this impact on my performance and focus and work and my body has changed in dreadful ways ... and I have only done one cycle of IVF. I hope it turns out to be everything you need it to be.

Sunnie said...

Can I come along with you for the ride? :) This post really got to me......

I will also not trade my soul.

Alli said...

Your post really spoke to me - I totally relate about wanting a break. The thought of spending a month or two NOT being poked and proded by the dr's is very tempting.

Kris said...

Good for you. It is so tough not to lose yourself in the world of IF. Enjoy your break. It is much needed and deserved.

MC said...

Sounds like a good plan. Enjoy your break.

Just another Jenny said...

I agree with Sunnie, this post really got me. I am selling my soul for this crap and I have to get it back.

Thank you for sharing. I hope your time off from work is exactly what you need.

UtRus said...

Add me to the club - you said it I WILL NOT TRADE MY SOUL. good for you for taking time to be you... or maybe figure out who YOU is. I am doing the same. I just posted about mental health - visit when you can. hugs

Thalia said...

It sounds like you are doing a lot of good stuff for yourself, which is fab. Just be slightly careful on teh very restrictive diet. The evidence that wheat and dairy are bad is extremely weak. Dairy is incredibly important for getting calcium, and if your goal is weight loss, there are good studies that show that increasign your calcium intake, particularly via yogurt, speeds up weight loss for the same number of calories. If it works for you, great, but don't kill yourself if it doesn't.