So here's my post IVF talks.
First talk is with my IVF doctor.
Second talk was with my *psychic* naturopath two days later.
I believe I am a smart girl - and smart girls always have a back-up plan.
I methodically described to IVF doc the details of my previous three cycles - of how everything seems to be in good order with excellent hormone levels and good blastocysts - but no pregnancy. Apart from suggesting maybe I should try injecting myself with HCG during my two week wait to `support that lining' - there really is nothing much else we can do because it seems I don't need anything else. I am apparently freakishly normal - but just not getting pregnant.
I related to him about my sadness of returning to the same fertility clinic - everybody there greeting me by my first (and sadly, second name), and keep seeing fresh faces in the clinic because the women who are not there anymore either have gotten pregnant already or have moved on. It is depressing and I don't want to be in that place anymore. I don't want to be strapped down to the same meat block for transfers, I don't want to go for shitty blood tests with the same bunch of nurses (bless them) telling me that yeah, this one is it. I want to move on. I verbally diarrheaed these words with tears all over my face.
So - I have temporarily bid my goodbye to my trooper doc - who is so kind and so generous and a skilled surgeon. I have an appointment to see a new doctor in a few weeks time - and will be using a new clinic.
Then I saw my naturopath - I went for my check-up - to make sure my body is in good nick - and to get some vitamins for myself and the Ape-man so he can make super sperm.
I woke up at 5:45am this morning just so I can be outside the Naturopath's surgery at 6:30am to line up for the 7:30am opening - and already there were 9 people ahead of me waiting - that's how good this guy is. We were all freezing our arses off but everyone agreed it is worth the wait.
Naturopath says - you are in excellent condition, hormonally you are absolutely perfect - better than last time I saw you - so he doesn't understand why I even need IVF. Your left side is in pain. (Yup - was confirmed by my IVF doc that I may have developed some more adhesions at the bowels over the left hand side as a result of removing the ovary), so I have been suffering from left back pain (fucking endometriosis). And I am have too many negative thoughts and is too caught up with trying to get pregnant. He said I am letting this pregnancy thing ruining my life. He said I need to stop thinking about it, move on - and then good things will happen.
And hopefully that is what I will do. But like I said - there is always a back-up plan around the corner. So will wait and see what the new clinic propose.