Friday, July 29, 2005

Almost Starting Cycle # 8

Not meaning to gloat here - but I am about to have a perfect 29 day cycle.

Last night (Day 28) I saw the first breakthrough of watery blood - my period is arriving soon. Yeah fucking-doo.

When I was young - I never want my period to come. I hoped and pray that I will not bleed on the day I wear my white uniform for sports day. I wished so hard that when I was 14 it actually stopped for a whole year. In hindsight I do believe that was a sign/promise that I am destined to have women/fertility problems.

Then when I got older - I wished for my period to be regular so I know which days I can wear tight pants.

Then when I met Ape-man - and things got a little saucy - I wished for my period to have further gaps apart so we can fit in more sex.

Then when we started to try for a baby - I wish to get my period more regularly so I can fit in more fertility/IVF cycles.

And now - I am at a point in which I am finally happy. I make egg every month, then I make a nice endoemtrial lining, body temperature rises, the lining gradually thickens so my left boob hurt, body temperature dips on the last day of cycle and I bleed (and sulk). Cycle starts again.

I just need to fall pregnant to end this maddening cycle. God help me.

Am going to wait for the full force of my period - then give the new clinic a call and order a Frozen Blastocyst Transfer thanks, (probably call on Sunday). The plan is for Ape-man to inject me with a little Puregon daily to prime myself for the FBT.

The baby story of the day is I had to internally ring this girl up for information - only to be advised that she is on maternity leave. But please call this other lady up because she will have what you need - and yes - she is also pregnant and is at home waiting for her water to burst. So best to go fuck yourself and park yourself back in your work-station and whinge about infertility.

I nearly dug my eyes out.

Am just looking forward to start this cycle #8 and see what tricks nature has up on her sleeves this time. Am going to be optimistic.

I NEED to be optimistic.


MC said...

Good luck with the cycle, it sounds like you are in a good frame of mind.
Today at work my sister-in-law left on maternity leave, so there was a morning tea farewell. Another friend at work will leave in a couple of months. I sit there with a smile frozen on my face, inside I feel like dying. I want to leave because I'm having a baby, not just because I hate my job.
Drew can I just ask about the blastocysts, did you need a lot of eggs fertilsed to get some? What made you choose blastocysts over three day embryos? I'm not sure whether to ask my Dr about them or not. Thanks.

Em said...

Good luck. It is hard to be optimistic sometimes. I get sick of it and am often negative for self-protection. I am so sick of my cycle - I am obsessed. I am really scared that all my yucky PMS symptons are going to come back with a vengeance because I won't be on clomid next month. Whereabouts are you in Oz Drew?

Mony said...

Hey, didn't you know that optimism is the new Black?
All the cool girls are into it! Thinking of you!

Kath said...

Sounds like you are in cycle daze. A new cycle is a reason for new hope as, well, no one has fucked it up yet.

Are you going to get a police escort for those frozen embryos?

Ova Girl said...

It is bizarre how our relationship with our period changes over the years.
Hang in there Drew. Don't let it grind you down.

Drew said...

Thanks girls :)

Meg I will email ya about my blastocyst story!
Em - I'm in Perth - (sunny Perth :))

And Kath - I doubled and tripled check to make sure the right people are handling my blasts from the old clinic - they fucked up once already because the `consent to release' forms were sent to me late and then the people from the other shifts didn't know what I was talking about when I asked if they have sent my embryos across as yet.