Friday, August 19, 2005

The clock just keep ticking slowly......

Seems to be forever waiting for my FET.

The uncomfortable feeling started on on wednesday night - I got out of the car after battling the traffic on my way home - and felt my heart sank. I thought about the FET on saturday - I felt sick.

Once upon a time I used to be all giddy and excited about this whole IVF thing. I used to think about what to say or do when it works out - who to tell first, how to structure my acceptance speech for the clinic.... and once I get the results of my doomed cycles, I was left alone to pick up the pieces. I stock up on the pads, I buy tampons, I sulked, I cried, I whinged, I waited for the larger pieces of my period to come through and think about my lost embryos, I got angry, I say to myself never again. And for at least a few weeks after that I refuse to go near pregnancy central (ie. daytime shopping, the maternity ward route of my old clinic, certain pregnant friends, and a certain northen suburb shopping centre so I don't have to bump into that annoying `ooh I love babies' bitch).

Just rang the clinic - I expect them to hype me up about the big FET event tomorrow. Except I was just told, call again tomorrow morning to double confirm the FET time (and to check if there is going to be a FET at all), bye for now.

So I am going to do what was told and just wait. Nothing else I can do really.

I am shitty today because I am scared.

8 comments:

Em said...

I'm thinking of you. It is so hard waiting. I was imagining being able to tell people that I got pregnant on clomid and how blessed I felt. Well, I am not frigging pregnant and I feel cursed. I just want to be pregnant so I can tell my infertility story as a life anecdote rather than living it.

betty said...

Oh Drew I am always dreaming about how I will tell people I am finally pregnant-I know how you feel. Good luck-waiting sux

betty said...

P.s on Home and Away today Leah thought she was preggo (and told everyone before doing a test) and was disappointed to discover she wasn't. Are we in for an infertility story line?!Ouch nasty considering we have Bec Cartwrights pregnant character, what a clash. How will Australia cope?

Kath said...

Waiting for transfer does take an eternity. I used to have a little ritual everytime I had to buy more tampons etc... At the shop, I would hold htem and see fi I get any vibe telling me this is the last time I would need to purchase these. Unfortunatly no lightning bolts but it was nice to have some hope at that miserable stage.

Ugh..Home and Away! I can't wait until Leah starts stressing out about not getting pregnant now and then wins a holiday blah blah blah.

MC said...

I know FETS scare me now as well. There is just so much that isn't straight forward.

After a transfer I always start off by saying that I won't need the pads and tampons, but I buy them anyway. And sure enough I don't even make Beta.

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Pamplemousse said...

Yep, it all sucks, Drew. Thinking of you and hoping it is going ahead!

Ova Girl said...

Also thinking of you Drew and fingers crossed. Stay calm. (easy to say I know)