Seems to be forever waiting for my FET.
The uncomfortable feeling started on on wednesday night - I got out of the car after battling the traffic on my way home - and felt my heart sank. I thought about the FET on saturday - I felt sick.
Once upon a time I used to be all giddy and excited about this whole IVF thing. I used to think about what to say or do when it works out - who to tell first, how to structure my acceptance speech for the clinic.... and once I get the results of my doomed cycles, I was left alone to pick up the pieces. I stock up on the pads, I buy tampons, I sulked, I cried, I whinged, I waited for the larger pieces of my period to come through and think about my lost embryos, I got angry, I say to myself never again. And for at least a few weeks after that I refuse to go near pregnancy central (ie. daytime shopping, the maternity ward route of my old clinic, certain pregnant friends, and a certain northen suburb shopping centre so I don't have to bump into that annoying `ooh I love babies' bitch).
Just rang the clinic - I expect them to hype me up about the big FET event tomorrow. Except I was just told, call again tomorrow morning to double confirm the FET time (and to check if there is going to be a FET at all), bye for now.
So I am going to do what was told and just wait. Nothing else I can do really.
I am shitty today because I am scared.
7 comments:
I'm thinking of you. It is so hard waiting. I was imagining being able to tell people that I got pregnant on clomid and how blessed I felt. Well, I am not frigging pregnant and I feel cursed. I just want to be pregnant so I can tell my infertility story as a life anecdote rather than living it.
Oh Drew I am always dreaming about how I will tell people I am finally pregnant-I know how you feel. Good luck-waiting sux
P.s on Home and Away today Leah thought she was preggo (and told everyone before doing a test) and was disappointed to discover she wasn't. Are we in for an infertility story line?!Ouch nasty considering we have Bec Cartwrights pregnant character, what a clash. How will Australia cope?
Waiting for transfer does take an eternity. I used to have a little ritual everytime I had to buy more tampons etc... At the shop, I would hold htem and see fi I get any vibe telling me this is the last time I would need to purchase these. Unfortunatly no lightning bolts but it was nice to have some hope at that miserable stage.
Ugh..Home and Away! I can't wait until Leah starts stressing out about not getting pregnant now and then wins a holiday blah blah blah.
I know FETS scare me now as well. There is just so much that isn't straight forward.
After a transfer I always start off by saying that I won't need the pads and tampons, but I buy them anyway. And sure enough I don't even make Beta.
Yep, it all sucks, Drew. Thinking of you and hoping it is going ahead!
Also thinking of you Drew and fingers crossed. Stay calm. (easy to say I know)
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