Today I wanted to have a `normal' work lunch - so I went for a walk for a change.
Power walked past the newsagency, the bank, and just when I was about to enter the `good' shops and submerge myself into some lunch time retail therapy - two very pretty and very YOUNG fertility goddesses waddled past. No, actually they didn't waddle, they walked like your ordinary teenager actually.
They had the long straight hair (the sleek look), the tight fitted tops and cropped jacket, the trendy `must-have' wide leather belts around the hips (can you have hips during pregnancy???), the trendy beaded necklaces around the neck, the slim-fitting Sass and Bide jeans, and the ballet slipper styled shoes Marie-Claire saids we HAD to have this season. If the baby bumps aren't that visible I would've thought they were about to go night-clubbing.
Yes - the two girls (who looked like they were in their early twenties) were both pregnant and dressed in similar chic fashion.
I felt myself aged about 20 years in front of them. It's as bad as watching Becky Cartwright giving birth to twins with blond little ringlets in the middle of the Australian Open tennis court.
Whilst they glided past me and walked into a `must-go-to' juice bar - I sulked in silence. How lucky are they? Two best friends, both young, and trendy, and probably with loving/adoring husbands/partners, and obviously no jobs ..... and I struggle with silly little things like ovulation every month.
I am going to keep this story to myself and not tell Ape-man about it. He is going to tell me off and say shit like,
`Aww it's like that, when you are young and pregnant, you probably wish you are single, childless and have a brilliant career/live'.
Well, I want a baby now. Been saying that for five years. I've done the young and single bit, I guess I am doing it now in a way except I have husband, but I also want a baby. I want the fruits of our love, I want it all.
I just want to be normal.
I remembered once I was at the casino after a rather messy family gathering one night. Mom insisted I put some money on the fruit wheel - I was reluctant because I was too tight-arsed to even part $2 at a place like the casino. In the end I gave in and put $2 down on the water-melon. The wheel turned and landed on the water-melon. I won $2. Me and mom were jumping up and down and laughed hysterically- people thought we won big. But we only won $2.
That's how I feel sometimes when I tell loved ones that I fucking OVULATED on my own this month with no drugs. But whatever rocks my boat I guess, it makes me happy.
Am feeling much better today after the ovulation. I am going to start connecting emotionally with my wee frozen ones (they arrived at the new clinic on Monday). Please.....I hope at least one of you make it through the thaw. I need just a little more divine help here.