Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Still Waiting

Was doing okay on this high horse of mine - lah-dee-da - I am happy with or without baby. Then had a really fucking bad flashback this afternoon and it kind of ruined my IVF journey with new clinic.

Bad memory of this other fertility goddess - beautiful girl - good heart I suppose, but extremely nosey about my reproductive business.

I went to uni with her husband. Unfortunately she was (and still is) the really clingy type - so her now-husband actually dumped her during the first year of uni (after a long romance since they were teenagers) and dated another girl for several years. A group of uni friends decided that his latest girlfriend was a bitch - so we all encouraged him to re-date this clingy girl - I was one of his `caring friends' who pushed him into it. So yeah, thanks to me and a few others - he finally came to his senses and married this girl.

Their wedding was a year after ours - so they came to our wedding and then a year later, we went to theirs. Perfect stuff.

Then she started going off about babies. When are you having babies? Anytime soon? Will it be this year? Oh I love babies. So when are you having babies again? Didn't you say it will be this year last time I saw you? Oh I love babies.

So this vicious cycle of baby talk continues for two years after they married. Whenever I see her she is like my ball and chain, my deadweight - she just wants to know when are we going to start a family - she wants to know the full details. I avoid almost all outings in certain northern suburbs just so I can avoid bumping into her.

Then one day - I bumped into her whilst I was shopping for more bullshit for the house in Myers - she was heavily pregnant. She also looked really sickly - thus without with glowing pregnancy look - she is not loving it but she LUUUURVES babies - so it's all good.

So the questions started up again - oh when are you guys going to start a family? My god you guys been married for years!!

Nah I am a little immature for motherhood (IVF excuse# 287).

Oh really? No way - that is just not possible. You guys betttttttter catch up!!!

So off she went to give birth to a 10 pound bouncing baby boy - and the last time I saw her was six months ago - she dropped by our home with her husband and baby Evan. I used the `too immature to be a mom' line on her again after an excruciating 2 hour interrogation (and fuck I didn't even invite her over in the first place) - this time she wasn't too convinced and probably in her numb mind she is starting to get the drift that we are having problems getting pregnant.

So today I was sitting in front of my computer eating a shitty lunch, and suffered a flashback of her and her doodling about babies, it made me want to vomit my bean salad out. It felt like I was gagged and slapped on the face and gagged again. I hope I don't see her again - maybe I will run it past Ape-man this evening about moving into another place and get new identities for ourselves just to avoid this bitch.

She really is the most fucking annoying person in the world who drove me mad during my wannabe reproductive years. As if life is not bad enough - she certainly put the cherry on top of that pool of shit I have to wade through every month.

Anyway after that outburst - must say life is not getting any better - even with the Puregon jabs I am not getting any estrogen rises - still flat line today. So have to double the dosage and wait till next tuesday for a third blood test and vaginal probe.

Oh fucking well.


Pamplemousse said...

She sounds like a cow! Next time she asks, tell her to mind her own effing business.

Sorry about the stims and the faltering E2. Hope an increase in dosage makes a big difference.

MC said...

I agree with Pamplemousse tell her to eff off. Unbelievable how tactless and thick some people are.

I hope the new dosage kicks in.

Em said...

The friggin' baby talk. When I was a stupid 20-something I would go on and on about wanting babies. Now, I'm hsving trouble and I fantasise about saying to people, 2I'm infertile so why don't you shut the ******** (fill in the blanks!)"

Panda said...

Definately with Em on this one. Its such an incredibly intimate part of someone's life, I've never understood that people feel like they have a right to ask questions about it uninvited.

Its like asking someone when they plan on having sex next.

Kath said...

I actually can't remember the last person who asked when we were having babies. It was a while I go...and I guess after snapping a few times word had spread around our social circle that this topic was off limits.

Having said that, whilst its very satisfying to tell someone to fuck off...it causes other problems as before you know it, everyone knows your having troubles and the next question you get asked is:

"Are you still doing IVF? "Urban legend" and hubbie did IVF for years and then they adopted and then fell pregnant naturally". M & I were an item of gossip amoungst our fertile friends as they wondered 'if we had given up or when we were going to'.

Oh. God. Major flashbacks are happing now!