Monday, August 15, 2005

Here We Go Rock And Roll

Started off having a really shitty weekend - was feeling lerthagic and sad - because I cannot feel my ovary hurting at all. Which means no eggs in the making. Which means no embryo transfer pending. Which means another dud month.

Then continued to have a shitty weekend - made the mistake of picking up a semi-documentary movie about Manson the 70's killer who's tripped out of acid and thinks he is Jesus Christ in the making. It's bad because somebody actually made money by making a movie about him - even worse is there are curious people like myself who borrowed the DVD and watched it. After watching the movie it left a bad taste in my mouth and I just want to throw it all up to make myself feel better. No luck there. I think the puregon was making me sick too.

I defied my clinic's instructions to double the dosage of Puregon to wake my ovary up. I don't want anymore drugs because I want to use as little as possible so I don't fuck my body up too much - so I continued to use 25mg every second day instead of daily as requested.

Sunday was terrible - it feels like somebody blew hot air up my ass and everything is all bloated inside. The ovary felt lumpy and hurt only when I squat - I suspect:

1) I am making lots of little little eggs - so small they are polycystic like and is not big enough for me to kick up my estrogen levels and complete the cycle. So that's no good.

or

2) I am not making egg at all. Once again I am trapped in a never-ending cycle with no estrogen rise and base-line blood results for weeks. So that's no good either.

So there I was - feeling depressed, but at the same time feeling eccentric enough to simulate all these bizzare yoga poses in the comforts of my living room floor to see if I can feel any pain in the ovary. The ovary just feels lumpy and I feel like I need to pee/crap all the time to relief myself because I was feeling so bloated. Ape-man thinks I have gone mad and is making things up as an excuse for not having sex.

So this morning I turned up a day early to have my blood test and ultrasound. I know something is wrong. Could not sleep at all last night because my innards were so bloated.

I was chastised by the nurse for turning up one day early because it fucks up their records - but I know my body - I know something is up. I want to know.

I brought out the violin and whined to the blood nurse about how the drugs are not working again because I don't think I am ovulating. She assured me sometimes it takes a while for the drugs to kick in. The next step is to further increase the dosage and do 25mg/50mg Puregon on alternate days. Oh fuck.

So off I went to the ultrasound room. Once the knickers are off and legs are on stirrups - miracle #1 happened. I have a 12mm endometrial lining.

I know from experience this must mean SOMETHING is working - you don't just get this lining thickness for no reason.

`Oh here it is - 12mm - that looks good! You see right here in the centre there - this is where we are going to put your embryo. Looking good!'

Okay.

And then I saw it - my 25mm miracle egg. I cannot believe I can't feel it - this cycle I cannot feel my egg making process at all.

Am happy. I told the ultrasound tech I love this clinic already. The drugs are working.

`Don't get too excited yet! It's still early days.' Said the tech.

Well, if you have as many set backs as me in the past - a small step like this is a treasured miracle for me. So I am going to celebrate regardless. You see - when it comes to my body - I am always right - if I turn up tomorrow instead of today it would've been too late to use the trigger injection - because I would've ovulated on my own already. And then they will not be able to time my transfer.

Baby steps. One small step for mankind.

6 comments:

MC said...

I'm so excited for you. Lucky you trusted your inuition and went to the clinic early.

Pamplemousse said...

See, they never believe us when we know something is different. It must have been the bizarre yoga poses that did it!

Ova Girl said...

Yeah congratulations! You listened, you pushed, you played the violin and YOU WERE FUCKING RIGHT! Go Girl!

Em said...

Well done. I am stressing about my cycle as well this month. I am without clomid so I don't know what's happening.

Panda said...

Go You Big Red Fire-Engine!

Woohoo and props for being pushy!

Drew said...

Oh thanks girls - you girls are so lovely. It really is nice for a change to have cyberfriends cheering for you on the sidelines. I'm really touched and wish for all of you to have much success (or continued success!!!).

Em - just to let you know don't stress matey even if you are not on clomid this month. It is good to give your body a break from clomid - let your ovaries do the work themselves.

Look out for things like body temps, mucus change, boob condition etc....everybody is different but I used to know nothing about ovulation - now I have all these little signs to tell me something is going on.

Email me mate anytime if you want to talk about drugs (oooh my favourite topic) or general cycle things - I know a little bit about most things I think.... :)