Friday, September 02, 2005

Sportsgirl vs Lamaze Classes

Since I cannot have a baby this month - once again I returned to my mothership for some much needed time off and solitude - I went shopping.

I didn't want to go, I don't need anything really. I've got everything I need at home, I've got shoes for every occasion, tops for work and play, jeans in a variety of styles and colours, and the last thing I need is more shoes. Even Ape-man looks like a fucking christmas tree when he goes out - I dress him well because I have so much time on my hands to make sure he does.

Plus I feel empty. I don't feel lonely. I just feel terribly empty and incompetent.

What I really needed last night was to go somewhere to remind myself that I am young, fit, and healthy and even if I am not allowed to have a baby, at least I pull my purse out and buy something I desire. Anything.

So I did just that.

And of course, by going shopping alone also means I have to put myself out there to meet real people. And on thursday late night shopping - you meet all kinds of people (and all kinds of YOUNG people in various stages of undress - low-hung jeans bearing arse-cracks and skanky G-strings seems to be still in).

After buying my 213th, 214th and 215th pair of knickers from Myers, I staggered through the crowds and made my way to Sportsgirl - the fashion house for the brave, the colourful and the hip. Oh I think that's me.

I don't think anybody noticed this happy family standing outside of Sportsgirl - they are not that noticable, but through my infertile little eyes - they stood out like three amigoes in Shanghai. It was just a young looking guy, holding a little man in his arms (probably 2 - 3 years old), the wife kissed him goodbye and said I will just pop into Sportsgirl and be back in 10 minutes. Love you honey.

Nothing out of the oridinary - but then I thought I saw a baby bump on her stomach. She was incredibly trendy, she's got the full trendy gear on. If you don't look closely you probably thought she just had a big lunch. And since I am an infertile, and had been for some time, it makes me a little mental and I am ashamed to admit that I followed her around the shop to check if she is really pregnant. And she was. Probably about 3 to 4 months worth.

How can she go in there? Isn't sportsgirl for the young and the hip? For the free spirited? For the `I can go places and do anything I want'? Shouldn't she shop in places like `Mother & Me' or `Pregnancy Chic'? I walk past maternity shops all the time - I work near one - those are the places which will always be denied to me like a hip nightclub with a bad-ass bouncer. So why is she messing with my Sportsgirl?

And then after this outburst (in my head) I felt ashamed.

And then I felt sad.

Because I am not normal - watching her gate-crashing my Sportsgirl is like me gate-crashing her Lamaze class sans pregnancy bump.

You see - I am so mental that I even dedicated this entire blog to a pregnant woman walking into Sportsgirl hoping to find something stretchy to fit her growing belly.

I need to find a new hobby.


MC said...

I think I'm mental too. We had a young fill in teacher at pilates the other night and I kept checking her stomach out because I thought she was pregnant. I was thinking fuck there's already one pregnant woman in the class ( due a week or two after me if I hadn't of miscarriaged). After a while I decided she wasn't, but still felt mental.

betty said...

Drew I don't think you are mental at all. Well if you are then we all are. Isn't it freaky how much you care about some stranger's baby bump. It's not fair and you are right, she should not have been on your turf. Sometimes I stare and catch myself doing so and am quite embarrassed. Keep shopping tho it's good for the soul.

Ova Girl said...

Drew, it's not you. This whole fucking business screws with our minds.

I try and apply the pregnancy filter, if I even suspect that a woman in my view is pregnant I turn away or just fuzz my focus so I look right past her. Otherwise I tend to stare and obsess....

For Gods sake, if a girl can't shop what the hell can she do?!

Em said...

I agree. Sportsgirl is entirely innappopriate for fertiles. They should be shopping at Rockmans or Katies or maybe...Sussan.

MC said...

I agree with EM they should shop in daggy shops where everything has an elastic waist.