Monday, June 27, 2005

The Price of Life

Right now I have the worse fucking headache you can imagine.

Last Saturday it was sunny and I was feeling upbeat - so I drove to RSPCA for a visit. I would love to adopt another dog (to fulfill my need to nurture and love), but I already have two - plus I have a small house so it won't be fair on my furry friends. Anyway what happened was I was there by myself - getting really emotional seeing these locked up animals - and completely lost it (not wailing, but sobbing like a mental woman). Fortunately, nobody saw me (or so it seems)... I kind on leaned towards the cages and sobbed quietly.

So that's where I get my infertility therapies/counselling from - the RSPCA.

It makes me rethink about my `situation' - I need to remind myself I don't need to have a baby to make me happy - it is not the be-all and end-all in my life because there are many other ways to be loved and give love. I still would very much like to give birth to my own genetically linked child - but if that doesn't happen we will just have to live with it and enjoy the other aspects of life.

Oh and if I ever find that man who a few weeks ago tied his dog to the back of his car and dragged the poor dog 15 metres at 70km/h (until his little paws were all rubbed off), I swear I will wring him by the balls and drag him around with my 4WD - see how much he likes it.

I am Day 26 into my cycle, which means the period is coming in the next two days - I am already cramping. So whatever, just bring it on. I am just sick and tired of getting all excited over an ovulation, get blood tests everyday to check my LH surge, then get my period in exactly 13 days past ovulation.

Next cycle I am not going to bother with the blood test. Am going to rely on my instinct, some carefully charted basal temperatures and the supermarket ovulation tests.

No comments: