I have a bizarre theory - synchronised toileting.
Due to my recent quest to be in the most fertile state in hope for a miracle conception – I started to drink lots of water, at least 1-litre of orange juice and stacks of powdered vitamins per day. I have a very small bladder – so small that in the past an ultrasound technician un-jokingly said oh my god you don’t have a bladder, even though a hour before I drowned myself with more than a litre of water to fill the bugger up.
Anyway in my office there is this unsmiling girl who can be marginally attractive if she makes an effort to smile, but she chose not to and will blankly stare at you even though it is the 1700th time you met on the hallway on the way to the kitchen or toilets. If I am unfortunate enough to bump into her in the toilets she will just give me this, how shall I put it…. an `accusing’ stare and then will promptly look away as if you are diseased. So anyway on this lovely Friday morning I had the pleasure to bump into her in the loo, I made an effort to smile (because it’s Friday) – and of course she just looked away. Half an hour later, and another cup of orange juice later, I went back to the toilets and there she was again! Total embarrassment on my face, and the same diseased look on hers.
Great. Now I am going to have to delay my next toilet visit so I don't have to bump into her again.
I woke up this morning with pains in my right ovary, it just feels lumpy. Yes...yes...Diana my darling, I think you are going to help us out this month and reward me with an ovulation. I am heading off for another blood test tomorrow to confirm if estrogen is rising appropriately.
Last night at the shops, I walked around like I do every other Thursday night, eyeing clothing, shoes and home appliances....and purchased a lovely sauce-pan for home improvement and a bottle of vitamins for my Babe. Yes, zinc and Vitamin D for good sperm that can swim for gold.
He wriggled his nose and said `I don't need vitamins to make super sperm'.
Drew `But babe you need this so we can both be in top shape if we are to try naturally.'
Babe `Ok then, I will take the vitamins and make super-super-sperm.'
Drew `Ok honey, you do that then.'
Sigh.....Men.
1 comment:
Along with your fluid intake maybe you should increase your daily intake of Bran & fibre...that way you can really impress "Ms. Unsmiling" each time you meet in the loo. Before you know it she'll be avoiding you & your regular bladder & bowel movements like the plague.
Then you can wee in peace.
Good to hear you're letting your fella feel like a champion sperm creator...stroke that ego.
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